It has been quite the emotional weekend! I sat down and did a lot of thinking last night. I have discovered that disappointments are subjective and that they hold value only for the holder. I can't do anything about any of the situations, so I just have to "let them go". I will move forward with my life and concentrate on making each day as happy as I can make it. Hope everyone does the same! Smiles, Sharona

Well, my friends, I have a decision to make and I've come to you for advice. Yesterday I found my birth mother on the internet. I have talked to her "daughter" without telling her who I was and she gave me information that pretty much substantiates that this is the right person. In 1992 this woman was contacted by Social Services on my behalf to ask for medical information because my grandson had started having seizures. She was offered blind communication with me, which she declined. She said that she did not want to be contacted again. Her husband had recently died and she was trying to get her life back together. She told them that she had high blood pressure and seasonal allergies and that is all she would say. She did say that she had not had any other biological children, but had adopted a daughter. I was told the story all my life that I was this young girl's second baby. The first child she had at age 16 and he was raised by her mother as if he were her own. My half-brother has grown up believing that "our" mother was his sister. (This happened to Jack Nicholson too. I used to think maybe he was my half-brother ). Anyway, once the State of Alabama opened original birth certificates to adoptees I obtained mine. My mother was 18 when I was born and it lists 1 other live birth, so that pretty much says that the story I was told was true. I grew up an only child and used to imagine what my brother looked like, if he looked like me. He would be 59 years old now. I know his name and where he lives. I don't want to cause him harm. I don't want to hurt my "mother" who is now 75...but I have so many questions. It is ironic that it is Mother's Day this Sunday. I wonder if she has changed her mind. The nice lady, her daughter, that I have been emailing with has provided me with names and dates but she did not know that I was looking for my birth mother. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I'm afraid that once she tells her mother about my emails that she will be told not to communicate with me again. I don't know what to do. What do I say? Do I just get in the car and drive to my brother's neighborhood and wait to see him leave his house so I can just look at him....or do I call him?I'n not going to become a stalker. I don't want to turn his life upside down at his age. He is a Jr. In reality he isn't kin to the person he knows as dad because my biological grandmother was remarried at the time she took him in to be her own. I've had these questions and empty feelings all my life. I don't want to do that to him. But, Oh how I want to see him! What would you do? My dear adopted mom died last year. I feel like all of this is happening now for a reason...but is it? Sharona

Hello My Friends, I went to church this morning and I came out into the bright sunshine and felt such a glow of warmth and friendship. I heard someone say that a recent poll showed 95% of Americans believe in God, but 85% also believe they do not have to attend church. Well, it doesn't matter which religion you are associated with, you need the companionship of others. When you meet with those who share your beliefs and convictions they can become a source of support and motivation. That is true even if you aren't talking about religion. People just need other people in their lives. When I am bouncing around an idea about something that I may want to do in the future I always seek the guidance of a friend. I think we all need a special someone to talk to at certain times in our lives. We need to share ourselves with others. I'm so thankful that I have this place to share myself with all of you. Sunday Smiles, Sharona

I woke up this morning and took a deep breath. Then I reminded myself how lucky I am to be able to do so. There are many people living on ventilators that must breathe for them. I am privileged indeed to not have to worry about where my next meal is coming from, or where I will find shelter today from the approaching thunderstorm.
Yet, it has been a long night and I am weary. With each breath I experience such pain. I have scoliosis, a disease of a crooked spine. When I was 26 I was told that surgery was no longer a choice because without it I would die before I was 30. That was in 1976 and I did quite well with the Harrington rod they placed in me after the surgery. It held my spine as upright as it could get. They got a 2 inch correction and managed to keep my heart from being pushed anymore to the center of my chest. I still had to live with my right lung being partially blocked by my spine. I've lived a full life and enjoyed working out in the public. In 1994 that all changed when the progression of diability started again. I had to quit work and have another operation. In 1995 all the hardware they implanted became infected with staph. Thus began the year that would see me in the hospital having 5 more surgeries which ended with the removal of the hardware. Since then I haven't been able to hold myself upright. You think in time you will get used to the stares that you get whenever you go out. You hear the remarks of children. You smile at the people who walk up to you and ask what happened. The part that you can't get used to is the pain. We've purchased foam mattresses, featherbeds, etc. all in an attempt to stay all night in my bed. Still every night I end up in the recliner. I hardly ever sleep over 2 hrs. at a time. The rest of the night I walk the floor, read, cry, watch TV. It is a maddening cycle. I know I'm not the only one who has nights like these. I receive treatment from a Pain Clinic. I wear a pain patch and every 3 months I get a spinal block. What would I become without these? I have family and friends that support me. Even though I know that there are many others that are in worse condition than me, the pain is still so great. I keep reminding myself how lucky I am. I don't mean to whine. Maybe it helps a little bit to just write it all out. I wish everyone out there a good day, Sharona

Touch is something that we all need. Studies have indicated that babies that do not receive an adequate amount of touch have failure to thrive. Lack of touch is often a complaint of the elderly and others that live alone. Sadly, it can be the same for others that do not live alone. The simple act of touching someone, giving them a hug or just patting their hand, can do so much good. Our pets aren't the only ones that need "petting". Sometimes when a family member or close friend is ill and there seems to be nothing that you can do for them, just reach out and touch them. It is a simple way of showing others that you care. When meeting someone for the first time extend your hand. When seeing a loved one hold out your arms and give them an embrace. The world can be a cold and empty place without a tender touch. A cyber hug isn't quite the same, but I offer one anyway. Maybe someday they will invent a computer that will transfer a tactile sensation. Sharona